Driven by Vision

In the ebb and flow of life, we are always becoming something. Whether accidentally or purposefully, we are continually evolving. The question of the day is: who are you becoming?

I work with leaders every day who are working on being and doing better.

• They want to experience more joy at work.
• They want to have better, higher-trust relationships.
• They want to have more balance in their lives and greater impact. 

In short, they want to be their best!  But being your best isn’t the result of flipping some invisible switch. It evolves, day-in and day-out, through small choices that add up to routines, habits, and eventually character traits. Therefore, if we want to evolve purposefully, we must take disciplined actions, DAILY. Let me give you some examples.

I am working on becoming a runner again. I used to be a runner, but over the course of time, I accidentally became NOT a runner. Basically, I stopped the daily actions that made me a runner, and thus evolved into not-a-runner. In order to evolve back into a runner, I am taking the everyday actions that a runner would take. I set aside time for running on my calendar, lace up my shoes and run, little bits at a time, several times a week. Eventually, I will be able to call myself a runner once again!

Here's a more challenging task at which to evolve: Imagine you've noticed that your relationships are suffering. You don’t have the trust and depth of connection that you want with the people closest to you. This change is harder than taking up running, but improving relationships is do-able!

STEP ONE

First, cast a vision. The vision is what drives us forward and keeps us on track. What do you really want? Write it down. It might sound something like this, “I want to be a person who feels more love and connection with my family and friends on a daily basis. I want to be invited to spend time with the people I care about. I see myself having great conversations, listening to others, and feeling peaceful and at ease.”

It can also be helpful to consider actual people you know who have the kinds of relationships you want, and think about what they do to cultivate connection. Do they…

• Listen to understand?
• Ask great questions?
• Express interest in others?
• Share their appreciation freely?
• Maintain calm under pressure?

Watch them closely (or even ASK them!) to pinpoint their unique behaviors. This becomes the vision that drives you forward. If you are truly committed, you’ll be able to apply the necessary discipline and eventually experience results. 

STEP TWO

Once your vision is clear, do a self-check to think about how you compare to those "ideal" behaviors. In our example above, you might ask yourself…

• Do I routinely listen with the intent to understand?
• Do I ask great questions that open dialogue?
• Do I express genuine interest in the experiences of others?
• Do I feel gratitude and share my appreciation in a meaningful way?
• Am I able to remain calm when my emotions get triggered and I’m tempted to say something angry or aggressive?

Be real. If you’re NOT doing these things now, why not? What gets in your way? Most often, barriers arise because…

• We don’t believe that change is all that important. This makes us less motivated.
• We don’t believe WE can do it. We may think that it’s not our responsibility to change, or we may think that we don’t have the capacity to change, or we may believe that even IF we change, we won’t get the desired results.
• We don’t know HOW to change. We haven’t determined what steps we need to take, or haven’t developed the necessary skills. 

STEP THREE

Once you have cast your vision and done a realistic self-assessment, make your action plan! Drill down to the things that you need to work on and translate that into tiny actions that you can take, one at a time. To complete our example, some tiny actions that will contribute to better relationships may include…

• Spending 3 minutes cultivating gratitude each day.
• Reflecting back what a person says to ensure understanding, before you respond. 
• Taking a few deep breaths when you feel emotionally triggered.
• Naming your feelings to develop self-awareness. (i.e. I feel excited; I feel uneasy.)
• Practicing asking follow-up questions to become a better listener.

There are hundreds of pathways to success! The key is to choose a few small and effective behaviors, and repeat those over and over again. Being your best is a direction you choose, not a destination, and only YOU can determine if you are on the right path. Use this one wonderful life and make it the best it can be! Here’s to YOU!

Thanks goes out to Joshua J. Cotten at Unsplash for the photograph!