Allison Livingston is a parent coach specializing in helping high-achieving parents stay connected to strong-willed children without losing themselves in power struggles. For over a decade, she has worked with hundreds of families, developing her 5 Steps to Connect framework after her own struggles with emotional hijacking when her spirited daughter's temperament clashed with her emotion-repressing upbringing. Through studying nonviolent communication and internal family systems, she created practical tools for recognizing triggers, validating emotions, practicing curiosity, engaging in lifesaving listening, and setting clear boundaries. Her work transcends parenting, offering universal principles for emotional freedom in workplace conflicts and personal relationships.

In this powerful conversation with parent coach Allison Livingston, we explore how high achievers get emotionally hijacked in difficult situations and learn a five-step framework to stay connected without getting hooked.

Why High Achievers Get Emotionally Hijacked

High-achieving people often struggle with emotional regulation because they expect to be good at everything, including relationships. They have high expectations of themselves and others, but lack practice giving grace when things don't go as planned. This can lead to to emotional enmeshment, where they try to control outcomes rather than connect authentically.

The 5 Steps to Connect Framework

Step 1: Meet Yourself Where You Are Recognize when you're triggered by tuning into physical sensations—hot, clenched fists, tight jaw. Most people live in their heads and miss these body signals that indicate emotional hijacking.

Step 2: Validate Your Experience Acknowledge that it's okay to feel frustrated. Identify your unmet needs—partnership, ease, contribution. Include emotional release through movement, but direct it into the sky or ground, not at another person.

Step 3: Get Curious About Stories Question your narrative of "it's your fault" and explore what might be happening for the other person. Assume positive intent and remember you're on the same team.

Step 4: Lifesaving Listening Create safe space for others to express their frustrations without taking it personally. This builds psychological safety and allows real conversations about underlying issues.

Step 5: Set Clear Boundaries From a grounded place, communicate what you will do if certain behaviors continue. Focus on your actions, not controlling others.

The Workplace Connection

These same patterns show up in performance management, project conflicts, and team dynamics. When you stop pointing fingers and start with curiosity, you transform adversarial relationships into collaborative problem-solving.

Resources Mentioned:

• Connect with Allison Livingston at 5stepstoconnect.com 
• Connect with Allison on LinkedIn

Remember: Emotional energy lasts only 6-90 seconds if you don't restimulate it with more thoughts.

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.